Breeze from the water

It's my last day in Sydney today. I decided to travel down to the Botanical Gardens that overlooked the bay, the bridge and the opera house. I sat down on the sun drenched grass, feeling the cool breeze from the water giving me goosebumps on my arm and the back of my neck. I sat there thinking of how many different paths my life could've taken, how many really bad decisions I could've made.

And then I stopped.

Before I knew it, I was in tears. I tried sniffing quietly to make sure nobody around me would realise that this tourist was homesick. I'm still not too sure what caused it. Perhaps the calming sight of sky blue above me, the serenity of the view, or the knowledge that the most important person to me was once here before me. It felt like I had missed them. Like, by the time I had tried to meet them, they were gone. I had arrived after looking for them, and they had gone to look for me.

I had so much fun in Sydney, the life was completely different; the vibe; the culture. I enjoyed the challenge of having to fit in once again, of gathering my bearings and taking control. Leaving is hard. Staying sounds great. But something draws me back to Melbourne.

moreso now than ever.

I miss you
But I haven't met you yet
So special
But it hasn't happened yet
You are gorgeous
But I haven't met you yet
I remember
But it hasn't happened yet

I was peaking
But it hasn't happened yet
I haven't been given
My best souvenir
I miss you
But I haven't met you yet
I know your habits
But wouldn't recognize you yet

And if you believe in dreams
Or what is more important
That a dream can come true
I will meet you

I'm so impatient
I can't stand the wait
When will I get my cuddle?
Who are you?
I know by now that you'll arrive
By the time I stop waiting
I miss you

OnAir with BlackPunk : Bjork - Post [LP]

lost in translation

So I'm currently in Sydney for a week, for work. So far, it's been a little overwhelming, perhaps the responsibility of having to actually go to work and stay sober is what differentiates this venture from past holidays.

I've left my phone at my cousins place which is out past Liverpool. Which is near Cabramatta. Scary. If anyone knows what I'm like when I don't have my phone back in Melbourne, imagine me without my phone in a foreign place. Thankfully I made it onto a bus safely to take me to the dangerous train station of Cabramatta. Thankfully from there, I boarded a train to take me to the city station of Town Hall...passing Granville and Redfern. Nice. *claudemaus wipes a tear of fear from his eye*

... And now, Daniel Powter's radio hit song, 'Bad Day' is playing over the radio here at the convenience store where I'm weblogging.

I'll see how I go. Perhaps retail therapy will calm my nerves. Either that or a bong hit.

Help me.

show'n'tell

This little piece of stencil art is one repeated thoughout the walls of the Curry Cafe in High Street, Westgarth. It kinda freaked me out. So many greasy men staring at my privates.










I love this because it's true. Purely hysterical content for me.

OnAir with BlackPunk : *netcafe muzak*

a smile, a laugh. everyday of my life.

Firstly, Kelly Clarkson has decided to release "Because Of You" as her fourth single from the hit album "Breakaway". It is clearly the strongest song from the album. A brilliant song co-written with Ben Moody. God. I love her.

Because Of You

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did; you fell so hard
I learned the hard way
To never let it get that far

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh
Every day of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

I watched you die
I heard you cry
Every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry
In the middle of the night
Over the same damn thing

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
I find it hard to trust not only me but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
I tried my hardest just to forget everything
I don't know how to let anyone else in
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of You
I am afraid
Because of you

- performed by Kelly Clarkson

The days are becoming more of a juxtoposition of climate changes and mood swings as winter days are taking its toll. Things for me are looking good right now. Work is winding down its busy period of -"Are-you-guys-on-sale-yet?/Is-that-the-best-price-you-can-do?''- customers, I'm really looking forward to studying again, the group of friends around me are probably the best I've had in ages, my love life is perfect and my family are almost exactly what I want them to be, albeit crazy and all. Things are just serene and calm right now. I'm hoping there'll be no rocking of my boat.

It's amazing what living out of home has done for me. I feel more stable now. Surprisingly, living out of 'home' hasn't been the huge orgy of over-indulgence I thought it may have been. I'm grateful that instead, I've become more responsible, more willing to partake in things I haven't done before (and no, Au Maya, that doesn't mean drugs or sex).

My father has become ever increasingly accepting (is that the word to use?) of my sexuality, and that is something I will forever be grateful to him. Some people don't realise the fear and anxiety someone has to go through to 'come out' to their family. The pure torment and torture of the idea that they may put you through a life of misery, let alone reject you, plays havoke with one's emotions and mental state. No wonder most gay men are bitter and lonely. It became clear to me that my father loves me unconditionally after I shared dinner with them last Thursday in East Melbourne. He kept looking and the waitress, semi-smiling, then looking at me...

"Do you think she's hot?", I whispered.

He shrugged, began to laugh and said,

"You don't.....you're into something else..."

I laughed and shared one of those intimate moments with my father, one when you realise you're both on the same communicative level and that everything is okay. That event may not seem a lot to others... You'd have to know my father to understand what that meant. I believe I've resolved my mistakes from the past now, and ready to move on.

Deep and meaningful over.