If you could only see...

Christopher.

I'm sick of money. family. friends. over everything.

get me out of here.

Claudemaus.

I've decided that my new year's resolution will be that to make more of an effort to meet more people, be in contact with more friends and double my salary by the end of the year (dream on dream on). Screw being poor and lonely. I'm better than this.

Dean.

Lately, I've been feeling really lonely and lost. There's something in my head which just shuts off my optimistic outlook and the darkness just surrounds. I sit on the couch and stare into space wondering where the hell I'm going and why aren't I moving faster. I often sit on the tram and get a cold chill; no one is there. I'm just never comfortable, secure, settled. Something is always plaguing my mind and I'm fucking sick of it. I just can't tell anyone. For a boy who talks and writes so much shit, I have one hell of a major communication problem with my emotions.

I just need to know that everything will be okay.

Arrgh.

OnAirwithBlackPunk : Sheryl Crow - The Difficult Kind

Shake it...Shake it...uh uh...Shake it like a polaroid picture!

Jesus! It's nearly March already?

My 21st Birthday Party

I can't believe I cried. I was almost sobbing. The emotion of the speeches had gripped my heart and was tugging. Hard. Perhaps it was the mixture of tiredness that also brought on the tears. It was such a great party, the decorations were amazing! Huge 'M-T-V' silver balloons reigned over Commercial road, subtle candles lit up the rooptop on the perfect night of weather and the photobooth wall with 'Dean's Birthday' Circus posters was loved by all. The speeches were amazing, Paulina, Mark, Carmel and Matthew, reminding me as to how I'm blessed to have such beautiful souls around me.

My mother spoke as well which came as a shock as it was planned for my father to speak. She joked about the Rockstar theme, and how Hollywood would've been jealous of our shindig. She thanked Brent, which freaked everyone. She was fantastic. She told a funny little anecdote about me not speaking as a child, and delivered it with love. I cried. I can't believe I cried.

At about 12 we ushered everyone out to go to Love Machine. After a few minutes of cleaning up, we headed to the club ourselves, where I was shocked at seeing guests having to lineup. This is not what was agreed with the Love Machine people. My night could soon fall apart. I was stressing.

I had to fix this. So, in my tight black Roy jeans, my shake-it-off Mariah t-shirt and my hot-almost-fluro pink Saint Augustus jacket, I went up to a skinny door-guy in a shiny black suit jacket and told him who I was and that it was my Birthday and I had arranged for people to get in without having to lineup or pay.

He dismissed me.

Jessica and Peter were in the front of the long guestlist line, and said to him...

'But he's the birthday boy!'

He came off his glorified patch of red carpet and followed me down the line and said to me,

'Sorry, I know who you are now, how many people have you got with you? Bring them over this side....'

So there I was, standing in front of a 10/15 metre line of people, picking out my friends to take them into the hottest opening night in town. I felt like Mariah. It was great. People were trying to pretend they were with me. I put a stop to that. One guy offered to buy me something for me to get him in. I didn't really know what something was, and I wasn't really prepared to find out. He was shunned. We danced hard on the stage, and when Mariah's 'It's Like That' came on, it was all over. It couldn't get better. She was singing for me...

'It's my night, no stress, I'm leaving it all behind...' Anthem.

Probably the best night of my life. It was my party, people were there for me and my ego. Haha.

After making a secret exit, Brent, Matt, Jessica, Peter and I headed to Macca's. Along the way we passed a discarded invitation. The culprit is still at large, although seeing it gave me an amazing rush, like seeing a piece of your own artwork in public. A perfect way to end the perfect night.

OnAir With BlackPunkiPod : Mariah Carey - It's Like That (Stereo Experience)

Why won't it play! Play you pussy!

Today I'm organising the final stages of the birthday bash happening tonight, and by my side right now, I have the lovely Jessica. Say hi Jessica.

'Hi.'

Thanks for that. It's been a hectic couple of days and my stress levels have reached points of anxiety attacks at work. People are really excited about tonight, and I defintely am now. My parents have been great, with my mother organising catering for the event that would put the royal family to shame. I just hope she doesn't rock up as Yoko Ono. Or worse, in a tiara. God bless her though. She's great.

Our thoughts are with Brent and his family as his adoptive grandmother passed away this morning. Our partying with be a celebration of her love for others and our love of her.

Yeah.... looking forward to tonight. Hoping my CD's will play properly and coherently, and that the right songs will start at the right time....Gee.... The stresses of my life.... It's like The OC. Totally.

Look out for the gun!! Haha. Jessica's trying to be funny. Emphasis 'trying'. Kidding. She's gorgeous.