Just one day out of life / It would be so nice.
I'm so depressed. Went to 161 last night with Imma and Charlie. Tried so very hard to dance the pain away. The thumping dirty house music helped, but failed to console. Nothing seems to be right at the moment, and the more I analyse my life, I realise more and more, how much I don't want to be me, and how much I never imagined myself to be the person, in the mindframe, in the mentality that I am in now.
The last three weeks have taken such a toll on me mentally and physically that I have no recollection or fathom as to how I was able to make sensible decisions in the past. Now, all I can do is try and make sure my path does not intersect with another which gives me an opportunity to be self-destructive. Don't tell me it's what I need to do. It's not. Self-destruction is not a phase. It's an attitude.
I'm withdrawing from the world for awhile. Forgive me.
I wish I could just fall into the arms of friends. I want to cry and just fucking cry. I haven't had a chance to absorb the shock. I fucking just want to cry. When I'm on my own, I think about nothing, I look at anything, I sleep in the cold. When I'm with someone it's just too hard to give it all up. I want to cry, but I just can't. And it's killing me.
Tell me I made the right choice. Tell me it'll be alright. Tell me I'll be stronger.
Because I right now, I feel like absolute shit.
OnAirwithBlackPunk : Madonna - Holiday (Live @ The Re-Invention Tour)
The last three weeks have taken such a toll on me mentally and physically that I have no recollection or fathom as to how I was able to make sensible decisions in the past. Now, all I can do is try and make sure my path does not intersect with another which gives me an opportunity to be self-destructive. Don't tell me it's what I need to do. It's not. Self-destruction is not a phase. It's an attitude.
I'm withdrawing from the world for awhile. Forgive me.
I wish I could just fall into the arms of friends. I want to cry and just fucking cry. I haven't had a chance to absorb the shock. I fucking just want to cry. When I'm on my own, I think about nothing, I look at anything, I sleep in the cold. When I'm with someone it's just too hard to give it all up. I want to cry, but I just can't. And it's killing me.
Tell me I made the right choice. Tell me it'll be alright. Tell me I'll be stronger.
Because I right now, I feel like absolute shit.
OnAirwithBlackPunk : Madonna - Holiday (Live @ The Re-Invention Tour)
posted by Christopher at
3:20 PM
1 Comments:
I can't tell you you've made the right decision. I can't tell you what this move is going to do to the path your life's taking (if only there was a DeanWays, yes?)
But i CAN tell you that everything happens for a reason. Cliched, yes, to the point that its become petty - but its SO true my love, i tell you now, its SO TRUE. And when you're in the middle of it - you can't tell WHY this is happening, WHY you made that choice, WHY its so hard... but after?
After. Thats when you know. It'll hit you like an 8-wheeler and it'll all make sense.
This is NOT killing you. And you know im always open for a good cry. I fukn love good cries. Its so Filo. Its so US.
By
Anonymous, at Sunday, June 18, 2006 8:15:00 PM
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